This made me laugh

Now that everybody's washing their hands the peanuts down the pub taste different...

 

That's because pubs have been selling cheaper unsalted nuts for ages.

 

The kids will be distraught if coronavirus kills their grandparents.

That damned Trump has stopped us flying to Disneyland on the inheritance like we promised.

 

The global spread of Coronavirus has been blamed on travellers.

Should've known the pikeys would be involved

 

Just tweeted @tonyblair under hashtags #iraq-war-justified and #new-labour-economic-miracle.

I think I've got the crony virus.

 

Have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life point away from the earth?

 

Alleged victim of Alex Salmond tells Edinburgh High Court he "pounced" on her.


Surely it's "leapt."

 

Fill bathtub with cat litter ..... hey presto..

 

Living beyond their means

 

Cheers!

 

Anyone wanna buy 100 Scotch eggs and 150 bite size sausage rolls?



I misread the headlines and thought everyone was PICNIC buying ......