A british navy patrol, one of the last ones left, spotted a sailing boat in the english channel. So they closed up on them, boarded and searched the vessel. They just found six pakistanis. Asked what they were doing they replied that they were invading the UK. The officer asked "What-just six of you?" They replied " We're late, the rest of us are already there"
I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying: "I am a vet, therefore I drive like an animal." Suddenly I realised how many gynaecologists there are on the roads today
Englishman , Irishman & Scotsman walk into a bar , barman looks up & says "is this some kind of a joke ?"
A old Biker stops at a country pub after a long summer ride . When he goes through the doors, hanging over the bar is a menu.thats says Larger £2.00 HamBurger £2.50 cheeseburger £3.00 Chicken Burger £3.50 Hand Job £50 There is an exceptionlly Attractive Barmaid serving a couple of old farmers at the bar. The Biker checks his wallet to see what funds he has and calls the Barmaid over. "Yes ?" she says with a knowing smile "How can i help you?" The old biker leans over the bar "I was wondering youg lady" Then whispers "Are you the one that gives the hand Job?" She looks into his eyes and with a big smile says " why yes, i sure am" The old biker moves closer to her left ear and whispers "Well,Wash your hands real good because i want a cheeseburger"
A banker, a worker and an immigrant are sitting at a table with 20 cookies. The banker takes 19 cookies and says to the worker: "Be careful, the immigrant is going to take your cookie."
My neighbour is the Guinness World record holder for the person surviving the most concussions in a life time. He's sustained 56 of them. He lives just a stone's throw away from me.
Went to Paris last weekend, went for a curry and had the chef's special, frogs leg jalfreizi. Had quite a kick to it!
What have a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common? Black coat, white collar, and God help your arse if you get a dodgy one
a young Married couple walk into Asdas to do there Shopping. As they pass the Wines and drinks he sees a special on Beer, 12 cans for a tenner , So he picks up a case and goes about putting it in the trolly. The wife pulls him up and tells him to put it back " we cant afford it, moneys tight put it back" So reluctantly he puts the beer back and they carry on with their shopping. when they reach the Cosmetics aisle his wife picks up some face cream and puts it in the trolly, "How much is that?" He asks her. "£20" she replys "Put It Back we cant afford it" She then replys " But i need this to make me look Beautiful for you" He replys " So does 12 cans for Beer for a tenner, put it back we`ll get the beer"
