I switched all the chocolates to the wrong wrappers in a box of Celebrations last week. Mrs BS was fuming when she found out, so I said "OK OK, there's no need to get your Snickers in a Twix"
I've spent the new year babysitting a large gentleman who keeled over at 2300hrs having had too much to drink.... An actor asked if he could be moved, so I asked him if he had a harpoon and winch handy.... he fucked off and left me to it.