A man is driving along when he sees a sign ”talking dog for sale”. Intrigued, he stops and asks to see the dog. The owner directs him to the back yard, where he finds a big black labrador. “Can you talk?” the man asks. “That’s right” the lab answers. “So what’s you story?” the man asks. “Well, when I was very young, I found out I could talk. So I joined the CIA. They flew me all over the world so I could sit in at meetings with spies and world leaders because nobody would suspect me of eavesdropping. I was one of their most useful spies. But all the flying back and forth wore me out, so I took a job at the airport, catching smugglers by overhearing what they were saying. I earned a lot of medals doing that. Then I retired, got myself a bitch and some puppies, and here I am.” Impressed, the man asks what the owner wants for the dog. “10 Quid”, he says. “Why do you sell him so cheap? It’s obviously a marvellous dog? “Because he’s a lying bastard. Never left the back yard his whole life”.
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, Trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, So in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, The stomach was bloated, The legs got wobbly, The eyes got watery, And the blood was toxic.. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss . The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... An Arse Hole is usually in charge
Jeremy Corbyn walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ms could you please cash this cheque for me?" Cashier:"It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?" Corbyn :"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Jeremy corbyn, leader of the Labour Party. Cashier:"Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID." Corbyn: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am." Cashier: "I am sorry, mr corbyn, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Corbyn,"Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque." Cashier: "Look sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque." "Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?" Corbyn stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I don't have a clue." Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes , Mr Corbyn. ?.... .....
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