A gold prospector rides into a western town and ends up at the saloon. "Hey," he says to the barman. "I'm mighty horny, are there any women in this town?" "No," says the barman, "When we feel like that we use Old Jake" "Fuck off!" says the prospector, "I'm not like that," The next day he goes back into the saloon. "Are you sure there are no women in this town?" "No," says the barman, "there's only Old Jake" "I told you, I'm not like that!" says the prospector. Three weeks later he goes back to the saloon. "Look" he says, "If I was to avail myself of Old Jake, who would know about it?" The barman says, "Only you, me, Ben and Zac." "Ben and Zac? Why have they got to know about it?" "They've got to hold him down, Old Jake's not like that either."
The other day Jane and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So Jane called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. we came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we are retired. It's important at our age.
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
