Went to a seafood restaurant tonight and this was in the bathroom. Couldn't get picture without the flash.
Me: "I want to divorce my wife." Solicitor: "On what grounds?" Me: "She's out all night, every night, going from bar to bar." Solicitor: "Are you saying she's an alcoholic or do you think she's cheating?" Me: "No, she's looking for me!"
A guy returns home from the doctors. His mate asks, "Why are you looking so miserable?" "The doctor says I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life." His mate adds, "That's not too bad." The guy says, "It is - he's only given me four tablets!"
My Dad once said to me, "If you really want something in life, you've got to get out there and grab it with both hands." So I did... Now the barmaid with the big tits at the 'Rose and Crown' has reported me to the police!
