Nasa Scientists say its possible to live on Mars. Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm five stone heavier and diabetic
That looks very appetising, although I don't like mushrooms. But I could certainly manage everything else! Now if only that stupid woman would bugger off!!
When my girlfriend suggested we play Doctors and Nurses, I was hoping for something sexier than just being left in a corridor for two days.
A policeman knocked on my door yesterday. "Where were you between 4 and 6?" He demanded. "Primary school!" I replied.
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."