This made me laugh

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On my recent visit to Australia I got a full strip and body cavity search at customs. I suppose it's my own fault. When they asked if I had a criminal record I replied 'I didn't know you still needed one'

 

A boy comes home from school at 7pm, His dad says "where were you? "I was with Jessica." He replied. "What were you doing?" "We were studying." After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely." Dad replies "Wash your hands son; they're doughnuts."

 

I was dancing with this fat girl in a club and she kept looking at her watch. "It's nearly twelve," she said. "I'll have to go." "Why, do you change into a beautiful princess?" I asked. "No, she replied. "The kebab shop shuts in twenty minutes."

 

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