Mick walks into a bar in West Virginia and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north. The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?" The guy says, "No, I'm from England." The bartender says, "What do you do in England?" The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist." The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in the hell is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?" "No," says Mick "I don't drive a taxi, I mount animals." The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy." The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes." "What? He had two arseholes?" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes'.
