This made me laugh

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During my check-up I asked the Doctor,
"Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?”

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I, but unfortunately I just broke my thermometer !!!"

 

My wife sent this picture of me in a relaxed position to my son while we were on holiday
Within seconds he’d sent this back
I’ve increased his boarding charges .....TWAT

 

I would worry more about the yellow tinge you have there, and your right, Homer has put on a bit of timber. And he supports help for heroes, doh.

 

its another spot the difference competition, God they're hard

 

Hey hey dilligaf’s out and about again

 

Then when the kids aren’t in the car warning the driver of motorcycles what does the driver do then??

 

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