This made me laugh

true

 

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

 

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who gives a monkeys

 

Mick takes a job on a construction site in Dublin:
Part of his daily work is to clear any sewage and empty the waste from the pipes. Every Friday he has to hand in his time sheets.
After the second week the boss pulls him over for a word.
"Mick." Says the boss. "I need to have a word about your time sheets. For the past 2 weeks all you have wrote on them is 7:30am to 4:30pm shovelling shite."
"That's right sir, that's what I do, shovel shite." Says Mick.
"Well Mick." Says the boss. "In future can you not write shovelling shite, can you write excavating excrement instead."
"For feck sake." Says Mick. "if I could write excavating excrement, I wouldn't be shovelling fecken shite."

 

" I just got another one last week. It's another rescue. I take them in for a few months until they can be moved on. The last one was a nightmare, not even house-trained. I hope this one's better, but early signs aren't very promising."