See those flasks over there? Yes, Can you fill them? What, from over here? S1, Ep1, funny as hell. On gold now.
The irony of it! Mums gets an extra lay in this morning because its Mothers Day, except they get up the same time as yesterday because the clocks went forward! Who planned that?
Subject: Shipwreck A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nicola Sturgeon, Leader of the Scottish Nationalists. That evening, the man brought Nicola to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nicola and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nicola batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him? He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'
Our computers went down at work, so we had to do everything manually. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for solitaire.
I just failed my Open University Human Biology exam. The question asked; "Name 2 things commonly found in cells". Apparently, Scousers and former Radio 1 DJs was not the answer that they were looking for!!!!
My wife's still not used to writing letters on the computer, I have a hell of a job scraping the Tipex off!
Going to these new gastro pubs is a bit like visiting your nan that's got dementia. Chips served in a flower pot and burger on a bathroom tile.
My gay neighbour Pete has recently been taking hormone tablets to make him more feminine. "How's it all going?" I asked him this morning, on his way to work. "No difference yet, Andy," he replied, as he reversed into my car and drove off.
