This made me laugh

They told me i wouldn’t be good at poetry because i’m dyslexic
So far, I’ve made three bowls and some vases and they are really nice.

 

My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said maybe...

 

Jesus on a ped

 

Observations from lockdown.

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom?

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that, when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog . . . we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine . . . will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda’’. I'm getting tired of ‘’Los Living room’’.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year" . . . I'm offended!

 

Need some advice, and make it quick

 

https://streamable.com/m4cufo

 

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Who let the dogs out.

 

Who who

 

A vicar, an imam and a rabbit go into a hospital to donate blood, the vicar says I’m type A, the Imam says I’m type A+, the rabbit looks around and says I think I’m a typeO

 

https://streamable.com/nndyc5

 

Apparently there's a new sex position called parcel force. You stay in all day and no one comes