Rock on! What's the crack with poultry & voting? Turkeys not voting for Christmas, chickens not voting for a General Election....
Astronaut 1: 'Hey I can't find any milk for my coffee.' Astronaut 2: 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream.' ..........
There were two countries, Blitzvia and Blatzvia, that were constantly at war. They fought year after year with neither side gaining an advantage. Finally, the leaders of both sides met and decided to have a contest to determine the victor before both countries were completely destroyed. They decided to have a dog fight and whichever dog won, that country would rule both lands. Each country would have 7 years to breed the best fighting dog they could. Seven years later, it was time for the fight. The Blitzvians had cross-bred Rottweilers, Wolfhounds, Dobermann's and Pit Bulls. They took the largest of each litter and breeded those again. They made the dogs fight for raw meat laced with steroids and stimulants and had to keep them in separate cages with strong steel bars. Three trainers were killed by the dogs during training. Finally, there was only one dog left - the biggest, meanest, nastiest dog ever. When the Blitzvians arrived at the location chosen for the fight, the Blatzvians arrived pulling a trailer with a 10 foot long Dachsund weiner dog riding on it, wagging its tail. The Blitzvians could hardly contain their laughter. As soon as the two dogs were let loose in the ring, the killer dog charged the dachsund. But, the dachsund just opened its mouth unbelievably wide and swallowed the dog in one gulp. The fight was over and the Blatzvians had won! The Blitzvians were stunned. They asked, 'Our best scientists, trainers, and drug experts spent 7 years breeding the mightiest of dogs. How did you defeat us?' 'Well, we had our best plastic surgeons spend 7 years making an alligator look like a dachsund.'
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
