Sad news from the Nestle factory today. A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues just cheered.
After yesterday's first round of votes Michael Gove was thought to have been dealt a massive blow. "It was just to cheer him up," said his drug dealer.
Prince Harry has revealed what the Queen and Prince Phillip said to him just before his wedding to Meghan Markle. " Get on with it and marry that grubbing half-caste golddigger so our family can look PC, or else we'll release the results of that DNA test !"
