This made me laugh

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Havit, Sep 23, 2015.

  1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  1. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
    Subscriber

    Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.” She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing. “That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it. The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises. “Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.” “You’re absolutely right sweetheart, ”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. “Now why were you laughing?” she asked. “You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered. “True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days. “Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?” “Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Like Like x 1
  2. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
    Subscriber

    A girl realised that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mum about that hair. Her mum calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
  3. Havit

    Havit Admin
    Staff Member Subscriber

    Jul 17, 2015
    9,567
    1,000
    Kent
    FB_IMG_1530685766216.jpg
    Do you see it.....yeakes
     
    • Like Like x 4
  4. Yorkshireman

    Yorkshireman Crème de la Crème

    Dec 12, 2015
    3,401
    1,000
    Barnsley
    Uuuuurrrrghhhh, hope it didn’t pish in your pinto_O
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  5. Havit

    Havit Admin
    Staff Member Subscriber

    Jul 17, 2015
    9,567
    1,000
    Kent
    FB_IMG_1531547268758.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Havit

    Havit Admin
    Staff Member Subscriber

    Jul 17, 2015
    9,567
    1,000
    Kent
    FB_IMG_1531547507244.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 6
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Useful Useful x 2
  7. Havit

    Havit Admin
    Staff Member Subscriber

    Jul 17, 2015
    9,567
    1,000
    Kent
    FB_IMG_1531547880600.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
  8. Tucker 1963

    Tucker 1963 Elite Member

    Sep 7, 2017
    3,451
    800
    Newmarket
    _20180714_080827.jpg Tucker
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  9. Dave C

    Dave C Elite Member

    Dec 22, 2017
    1,831
    800
    North Dorset
    • Agree Agree x 3
  10. crispey

    crispey crispey creme de la creme

    Nov 6, 2014
    7,194
    1,000
    Uk
    5FC60EF9-CBC6-45B7-9F30-61F72D37047F.jpeg
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
  11. Dave C

    Dave C Elite Member

    Dec 22, 2017
    1,831
    800
    North Dorset
    I'm hoping the tethered concrete blocks are out of view on the deck.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  12. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
    Subscriber

    Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  13. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
    Subscriber

    The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock? All the men stood up. 'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?' All the women stood up. 'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn' t belong to them?' Half the women stood up. 'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?' Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. The priest fainted.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
  14. Vulpes

    Vulpes Confused Member

    Mar 14, 2018
    16,834
    1,000
    Netherlands
    No sheeeeep then? :blush:
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  15. Havit

    Havit Admin
    Staff Member Subscriber

    Jul 17, 2015
    9,567
    1,000
    Kent
    A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

    The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
    Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.
    You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...
    Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your
    willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9,000 in insurance
    compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing
    is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1,000 an inch."

    The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how
    many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your
    wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a
    nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one
    before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might
    be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

    The man agrees to talk with his wife.

    The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken
    with your wife?"

    "I have," says the man.

    "And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.

    "We're having granite worktops"
     
    • Funny Funny x 11
  16. Tucker 1963

    Tucker 1963 Elite Member

    Sep 7, 2017
    3,451
    800
    Newmarket
    Dilligaf _20180715_075419.jpg Tucker
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Love You Love You x 1
  17. Vulpes

    Vulpes Confused Member

    Mar 14, 2018
    16,834
    1,000
    Netherlands
    FB_IMG_1531653618213.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
  18. andypandy

    andypandy Crème de la Crème

    Jan 10, 2016
    4,083
    1,000
    Shaw
    To raise money, the Eczema Society have apparently started selling scratch cards.
     
    • Funny Funny x 10
  19. andypandy

    andypandy Crème de la Crème

    Jan 10, 2016
    4,083
    1,000
    Shaw
    I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials : he said "we've got whale meat or whale meat, or whale meat ...or we've got the Vera Lynn"
    I said "what's the Vera Lynn?"
    He said "Whale meat again!”
     
    • Funny Funny x 9
  20. DCS222

    DCS222 Guest

    .

    E174DA35-A983-434E-A54A-DA5279F5E914.jpeg
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    • Disagree Disagree x 1
Loading...

Share This Page