Mary who was a blonde was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" "Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied "382". "Wow!" said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you". "What is it?" queried the woman. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Conor McGregor apologises for vandalising a bus in New York. He said next time he'll stand outside Anfield like everyone else.
MODERN TECHNOLOGY Hi, Fred, this is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I have been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face, but I am at least telling you in text as I cannot live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night, when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can no longer live with the guilt and hope that you will accept my sincerest apology and forgive me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. Regards, Alan. NEIGHBOUR'S RESPONSE Fred, feeling angered and betrayed, put his cell phone on the coffee table, grabbed his gun, went next door and shot his neighbor Alan dead. He returned home, poured himself a stiff drink, and sat down on the sofa. Fred picked up his mobile phone off the coffee table where he saw a second message from Alan. SECOND MESSAGE Hi, Fred, this is Alan next door, again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect that you figured it out and noticed that bloody Auto-Correct changed wi-fi to wife. That's today's technology for you, eh? Regards, Alan
I am genuinely laughing in the office at the Tellytubbies pic. Getting strange looks, better get back to w04k
Postman Pat's Last Day. It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weatherto the same villages and towns. When he arrived at the first house on his route,he was greeted by the whole family there, who all huggedand congratulated him and sent him on his way with acheque for £50. At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch. The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie.She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.When they went downstairs, the blonde fixed him a fullEnglish breakfast: bacon,eggs,sausage & tomato with freshly squeezed orange juice.As she was pouring him a cupof steaming coffee,he noticed a one pound coin in the saucer. 'All this is just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but what's the quid for?' 'Well,' said the blonde,'Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what I should give you'. He said, 'F*** him. Give him a quid.' She smiled shyly and said, 'The breakfast was my idea.'
