This made me laugh

Any relation to Eric Shinseki then f**k those two.

 

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter:

Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a caravan in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's in my centre desk drawer.
I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home

 

It won’t work there are too many do good Bishops ‘converting’ fibbers to Christianity so they can beat the system.

Sounds like a lot of hard work for no reason.

I think the system is so knackered it doesn’t need deep subterfuge to confuse it or beat it.

 

ALL (depending on point of entry) asylum seekers entering the UK should be sent back to France (EU). If fleeing war and persecution there is no need to travel through half a dozen safe countries to get to the one that will give you a house in advance of similarly needy natives struggling to get a home.

They aren’t asylum seekers but economic migrants that reach our shores. Why is this so contentious?!? They may have started out as asylum seekers but once on the journey then decided where was best for them. Their purpose changed once the bullets stopped flying.

I’m 100% supportive of their plight on stage one and think all possible assistance should be given. Stage two… Not so much.

Edit: If coming to a country for refuge then there should be no chance of being nationalised. The individual(s) should accept they are being protected but must move back when safe or find another country for permanent residence.

If it were raining I’d invite in a stranger. I wouldn’t expect them then to insist on the spare room and to be fed forever. I’d expect them to fcuk off home when the rain stopped. Similar principle. And I don’t care if they had a kid or bought a neuking cat whilst staying with us. They aren’t getting my shed and spare car.

Edit 2: Happy for someone to explain why I may have misunderstood what is going on.

Edit 3: all rather serious. Here’s a joke…

There are three types of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

 

And for us substitute 'UK" with "NL". Same as you, people here are struggling to get housing whilst asylum seekers get priority. Why not stop travelling once got into the first safe country.

 

They are not "asylum seekers" no matter what country they're leaving... or seeking. If you notice they tend to seek those countries with the most juicy benefits, crossing numerous less accommodating nations to do so. There are legal methods of seeking asylum. Refusal to follow these procedures is criminal.

These are invaders, full stop. There are hostile forces, entities, and organizations intentionally orchestrating this mass migration of 3rd and 4th worlders into the Western World, and they've bought and paid for all the host nation politicians who are on board with it.

 

I'd settle for the bicycle seat.

 

Me too.

Once though I’d have had a shot at the whole bicycle.

 

Ahh, distant youth...

 

A mountie is riding along in the Great White North and sees something far off in the middle of a frozen lake. He moves in to investigate and as he gets closer he sees it's an attractive young woman sitting on a snowmobile eating a sandwich. "Everything all right?" he asks. The woman replies "My snowmobile broke down." The mountie pops the cowl on the machine and says "It's a good thing I came along. It looks like you blew a seal." "No" the woman says, wiping her mouth. "That's mayonnaise."

 

I sat next to an insurance woman during a Robbie Williams concert and through it all she offered me protection!

 

Thankfully I haven’t had to endure any of these

 

Doctor: you have diabetes.
Patient: it runs in the family.
Doctor: nobody runs in your family, you fat fuck.

 

The wife asked me what would stop our stairs from creaking… apparently “Slimming World” was the wrong answer!

 

My teacher told me l'd be no
good at poetry due to my
dyslexia, but so far I've made
three jugs and a vase so fuck you Mr McPherson.

 

As the intruder entered the darkened room, I aimed the red dot right between his eyes.....
The cat took over at that point.

 

You know you want to say it…

 

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