Two shop assistants on the tills at Tesco, One says to the other, "You can always tell the single men" The other says, "How?" The first one says, " Watch this" A guy walks up with his shopping, 1 small tin of beans. 1 mushroom. 1 rasher of bacon, 1 tomato, She said, "Your a single fella you, arnt you." He said, "How do you know that" She said, "Your a right ugly cunt !"
The odd thing is STD'S will have a code as well. When someone is admitted or seen in hospital there notes will be coded at some point as to what they were treated for and the outcome. So a sexually transmitted disease will have a code.
The Liverpool manager has just resigned - he's taking his family home to Germany ! . . . . . . . . . . Yes folks ! . . . . . . . . . THE KLOPPS GO BACK THIS WEEKEND !!!!
While practicing harmonica in the lounge (I bought it from Aldi) the dog started howling. The wife listened for a few minutes before screaming, "if your gonna do that, can you at least play a tune that the dog doesn't know?"
My contribution (Bernard Mannings finest) A Scouser went to a prostitute. She said, ‘Do you want a blow job?’ He said, ‘Will it affect me dole money?’ Quasimodo comes home and his wife has the Wok out. He says "Oh great are you cooking Chinese tonight?" She says "No I'm just ironing you a shirt"
Police are reporting that a lorry carrying snooker equipment has crashed on the M6. The driver is under a rest and the cues are going back for miles.
That’s you in camouflage in the corner isn’t it Ron? Just waiting for a wee scrote to come and nick a chocolate.
The Cabbie and the Nun A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.” She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.” “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.” She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that……. 1) You have to be single and 2) You must be Catholic.” The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!” “OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.” The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. “My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?” “Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.” The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party!” .
