This made me laugh

I will rephrase......., war was declared on the 3rd of September

 

A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his purchases and says, "Flip!!! I walked here. How am I going to carry all this home?
The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Hey, thank you!" the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking home he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 22, Mocking Bird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from there. Let's take my short cut and go down this alleyway. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The farmer said, "Blimey lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
She replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket .... and I'll hold the chickens."

 

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.

Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Scotland .
It was absolutely wonderful,
It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows,
So they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but
Whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,
The cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried,
The cow would move away from the bull,
And he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to
The Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and
Ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this
Before asking,

"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned
That they had brought the cow over from Scotland .

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
"My wife's from Scotland "