I needed some DIY bits so I decided to go to B&Q. I rang first, and spoke to some chap, as I didn't want to be hanging around, "Hi there" I said, "how big is the queue?" "Hold on, I'll go check" said the bloke. He came back a minute later..."How big is the queue...it's about the same size as the B"!
A few of us put some of that moonshine down our necks in the blue ridge mountains, "christ" you could have stripped paint with it, I was seeing goblins and singing lewd songs after just a few I can tell you.
Frank is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Frank turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, "What?'' "Sex." he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know," Frank says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for awhile." "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Frank's thingie. Then one night Frank didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find him and make sure he was O.K. She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Frank's little pal! Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun!! What does Ethel have that I don't have?" Old Frank smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"
As I am typing I wonder what people who type “u” instead of “you” do with all of their spare time? Question of the day. Where am I? I am adrift on a boat somewhere in between Hawaii and Japan. That's about as Pacific as I can be. This morning, I read on BBC News that Big Ben is to be silenced for another 4 years for maintenance. The builders working on it assure us they'll be working around the clock Finally I went for a stroll this morning and saw a man carrying an item of sports equipment. I asked him "Are you a pole vaulter?" He said "No I'm German, and how did you know my name is Walter?"
