When granny came for Christmas.... Two old dears (June and April) discussing Christmas when they were young. June: “This reminds me you know of when we had Granny come to stay last year for Christmas doesn’t it?” April: “Oh yes” June: “Wasn’t that a disaster, wasn’t it?” April: “I should think so” June: “Well, you see, we keep Christmas poultry and they’ve all got to be killed and plucked, and when it comes to Christmas we must be (are very) tired. So Christmas Eve I said to father - ‘I’m off to bed’ - and half way up the stairs I thought -‘Oh dear, I haven’t put any icing on the cake. Can’t have Granny sitting up to Christmas tea and no icing on the cake’ .. So although I was tired I came downstairs, got a basin, made some icing, got out the cake, and put the icing on top. And I said to father - ‘Tis a pity really because I haven’t got anything to put on it’ Well, father’s got a pushbike. He said - ‘Hang on a minute’ he said, ‘I’ll go out in the shed and bring you in something.” And he came in with a tin with it full of ball bearings in it. So I washed them all off and put them off all around the cake and then he had a very good idea because he went behind the picture and broke off a bit of holly and I stuck it in the middle. And although I say so myself my cake looked nice, it looked lovely, and I went to bed and slept well I did. Got up in the morning, put the turkey in the oven, done our work, had our dinner, and then “us” (meaning “we”) went in the front room and sat in front of the fire like you do...had a little glass of ‘what you fancy’, listened to a few carols on the wireless because I got the accumulator charged up, and the carols were coming all the way from London Town. It was lovely. Then it was time for tea. Well, I set up for tea and Granny said-‘I’d like a bit of the cake’ Well, she doesn’t eat with her teeth in but father cut her out a bit of cake and she wobbled it about and got it down her alright, and then after a minute she said - ‘I wouldn’t mind a bit more of that cake”. Well...I forgot to tell her about the ball bearings, but it didn’t seem to make any difference and (she) had her second piece of cake, ate it and gobbled it down and then she sat in front of the fire and she had an orange and we shared some dates and we had some figs, and that was when disaster struck... Because Granny got up...went to poke the fire, passed wind, and shot the cat!
You know why hurricanes are given female names don’t you? It’s cos they’re wet and wild when they come (sic) and when they leave they take the house, the car and everything else with them.
What if one of our forum’s ladies look at the truck first??? Are they gay... It does look like it’s just landed a Dukes of Hazzard jump though...
