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Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Big Sandy, Nov 18, 2020.

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  1. Tricky-Dicky

    Tricky-Dicky Crème de la Crème

    Dec 12, 2016
    2,444
    1,000
    Norfolk UK
    The Prince of Darkness
    The fallibility of vintage Lucas electrical components is a perennial source of both consternation and humour for the nutty, sometimes erudite enthusiasts of British sports cars and motorcycles.

    • Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.

    • The Prince's last words to his son: "don't go riding after dark"

    • The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

    • Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"

    • Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

    • Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

    • The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.

    • The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

    • Lucas dip-switch positions: HIGH and BLOW

    • The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

    • "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

    • If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

    • Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

    • In 1947 Lucas tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohms Law, but the effort failed because it met too much resistance.

    • To owner of a Land Rover: "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" Owner: "Doesn't matter - none of them work!"

    • During the 1970's, Lucas diversified its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product Lucas ever offered which didn't suck.

    • Lucas Quality Control often advised the engineering department that their designs had problems with shorting out. Engineering always made the wires a little longer.

    • Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas refrigerators.

    • Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, and Joseph Lucas invented the short circuit.

    • Lucas systems actually use AC current; it just has a random frequency.

    • How to make AIDS disappear? Give it a Lucas parts number.

    • Lucas won over Bosch to supply electrics for the new Volkswagens, so cars from the Black Forest have electrical systems from the Prince of Darkness.
     
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  2. ChasChas

    ChasChas Marxist Scum

    Aug 9, 2020
    518
    243
    Kent
    We're in the company of gentlemen?

    Who knew ;)
     
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