This made me laugh

My neighbours are organising a Chinese New Year celebration and Burns night supper.
They are calling it a Chinese Burns night…I don’t want to go, but they are twisting my arm ‍♂️

 

My wife.

 

A good friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl, 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

 

.... and cramp in his toes !

 

There used to be a panhandler that hung out under the Vine St. Expressway overpass on N. 5th St. near Spring Garden in Philly. He had a sign that said "HELP! FAMILY KIDNAPPED BY ALIENS. NEED MONEY FOR KARATE LESSONS."
I had to give that guy a couple bucks just for originality.