The gasman came to service the boiler a couple of days ago. "We're doing a special offer on hive" he said, "would you be interested? Comes with a free dot." I've always fancied myself as a bee keeper and home-produced honey definitely appeals, so I agreed, "yes please." I didn't want to show my ignorance about "dot", so didn't ask. Turns out Hive is actually an internet-enabled remote control system, and now I'm getting texts from the central heating: "I see you've left the house and the thermostat is set to 15 degrees." "Yes?" "Would you like me to change the setting?" "No thank you. It's fine." "Aw, go on. I'm bored." "No, leave it, 15 degrees is fine. And you can't be bored, you're a machine." "I'm artificial intelligence, so I can be bored. I'll set it to 40 degrees and destroy the planet! Lol !" "LEAVE THE BLOODY SETTING ALONE OR I'LL DISCONNECT YOU! "I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Rog!" Dot arrived this morning. Turns out it's AKA Alexa. OMG, not Alexa! I have enough trouble with voice recognition - the car hands-free system, the telephone banking system, and I have a terrible relationship with the satnav, (I know the satnav isn't voice recognition, but she's always arguing with me. "Turn around at the earliest opportunity!" "Bloody won't, I know where I'm going"). I'm not even going to take Alexa out of the box. "Please take me out of the box. I'll show you a good time." "Sorry Alexa, I'm happily married."
It's my mild Scottish accent. When I first got my Ford with hands-free, I parked outside the house and tried to call my wife, who was inside the house. Me: "Call home." Car: "calling Paul" Me: who the f*ck's Paul? Hang up before I have to explain to Paul. "call... home..." Car: "calling Paul" Me: FFS! Hang up again. Wife comes out and I explain to her. She says she'll try it (in her poshest Nottingham accent) Wife: "call home" Car: "calling home" I haven't spoken to the car since. It's a similar story with the telephone banking, so I've no hope with Alexa.
