This made me laugh

Its great... She will appreciate it someday.

 

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience..
Seeing God she asked : "Is my time up ?"
God said :
"No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth !
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded :
"God, you said I had
another 33 years to live ? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance ?"
God replied :
"I didn't recognize you.......... !!!!!"

 

5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants.
Now they’re tenants.

 

My new neighbor has several cats. She said their names are "Atonic," "Astrophe," "Acomb," "Amaran," and "Alyst."

I said they were unusual names.

She said those were their last names. Their first names are all Cat.

 

They're still unusual names!

 

A female athlete goes to the Doctors……

“Dr, I seem to be growing a penis, I think it’s the steroids.”

“Anabolic?”

“No, just a penis”

 

This was one of our next door neighbor's Halloween decorations this year. And you can see another in the background. That skeleton is actually sitting in a wheelchair.

 

Well I've got to admit, that a flying saucer wasn't the first thing that came into my head, but I'm viewing this on my smartphone.

 

That’s brilliant! Beats a hollow Pumpkin by a measured mile.

 

This is either funny or pathetic.... Glasgow have had to add no cycles on motorway signs at this sliproad!

 

Every time I open my box of hex wrenches, I swear there are more of them!

They are breeding! It's the only explanation!

 

How much Ikea furniture do you buy???