This made me laugh

Police in Bradford pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find the car taxed M.O.T. tested and insured.
It wasn't stolen and there were no stolen goods or drugs found.
The driver was sober AND He had a full licence and no points.
A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time."

 

My Wife left me last week, she said I put sport before our relationship. We were together for seven seasons.

 

I've been really down this week and a mate of mine, always the optimist, said never mind, you could be sat in a hole full of water.
I know he means well.

 

Walking home last night I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae and a lemon cheesecake.

I wondered why the streets were so desserted.

 

Now there's a t shirt

 

Prices are going up at the funeral parlor.
They're blaming it on the cost of living.

Helium balloons too.
They're going sky-high.
It's due to inflation.

Bread dough is also rising.

 

Not a confidence inspiring name for a tire shop.