A woman goes to buy a parrot and notices the prices are $100, $200, and $15. Curious, she asks why the last one is so cheap. The shopkeeper replies, "That one used to live in a brothel." Amused, she decides to buy it for $15. When she brings the parrot home, it immediately says, "Well, I'll be damned, a new brothel!" The woman can't help but laugh. Later, when her daughters arrive home, the parrot chirps, "Well, look at that, two new ladies of the night!" The girls burst into laughter too. But when the dad walks in, the parrot exclaims, "Well, I'll be damned, Pete! Long time no see!"
Anyone listen to Wake up to Wogan on R2 in the 90's-early 2000's? Can't say I watched him much on TV but I was a big fan of his radio show and his hilarious Janet & John stories he shared on air with newsreader John Marsh...........
A man and his girlfriend die in a car accident and meet Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "Welcome to Heaven, do you have any questions?" To which the man replies, "Yes, my girlfriend and I never had a chance to get married while we were alive. Can we get married in Heaven?" Peter says, "That's a good question, I will be back when I have the answer." Left at the gates, the couple begins to talk about love and how long eternity is. 6 weeks later, Peter returns and says, "OK, I've found your answer. Yes, you can get married in Heaven. So come right in and enjoy eternity together." The couple responds by saying, "We have another question. Eternity is a very long time and we are not sure if our relationship will last. If things don't work out, can we get a divorce in Heaven?" To which Peter replies, "Fucking Christ! It took me 6 weeks to find a priest up here, do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?!"
