This made me laugh

In 1993, Émile Leray, a French electrician, broke down in the middle of the African desert while driving an old Citroën 2CV out of Morocco to join a military site.
His car was seriously damaged after hitting a rock. Unable to repair on site, and too risky to walk in this hostile environment. So he came up with this crazy but genius idea to turn his wrecked car into... On a motorcycle!
With the tools he had with him and recycling car parts, he built a functional motorcycle in 12 days, using the supplies (water and food) he had in the trunk.
Shortened the chassis, fitted two wheels, moved the engine to the center... and it worked!
Thus he managed to leave the desert and join civilization, but was welcomed... by a fine from the Moroccan police for driving a vehicle that did not match the official documents!
His improvised motorcycle still exists today, preserved as a symbol of ingenuity and adventure in the heart of the desert.

 

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.
You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

 

Just woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work...
Thank goodness I was already at work when it happened.

 

Not to brag, but I have a unique talent.

If someone hands me a wrapped present, I can tell what's inside.

It's a gift.

 

Three nuns were talking.
The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?"
they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh shit."