I was at the Philly airport today to pick up one of my daughters. A woman passed out and fell onto the baggage carrousel. She eventually came around.
Man walks in to a pub in Dublin, and asks “am I too early for a drink?” The barman say “yes, it’s 10 minutes till opening time, you can wait over there though (points to a chair)”. The man says thanks and sits down, The barman then says “would you like a drink, while you're waiting”.
My mother was very proud of the rug she once had, made of 4 pieces of sheepskin, and would (much to our stifled laughter) invite people to come into the living room and see her foreskin rug.
We needed a new chimney, but it was very expensive. The builder told me not to worry. It would be on the house.