This made me laugh

Apologies in advance...

 

I was born a male.
I identify as a male…
But according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding, I am actually a family of four

 

If I decide to identify as a woman tomorrow, does that make my wife a lesbian?

 

TRUSS RESIGNS - A NATION MOURNS

 

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A young lad knocked on my door last Halloween and said, "Trick or Treat?" I said, "What have you come as?" He said, "A werewolf." I said, "but you haven't got a costume on, you're just in normal clothes." He said, "Well it's not a full moon yet is it, dickhead."

 

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, the answer was 'No!'
By now I was starting to smile.
'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, And loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, they all answered 'No!'.
I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven?'
A six year-old boy shouted out 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOOCKN' DEAD........

 

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