When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. And won. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Chuck Norris can never fill out an online form, because he will never submit. Chuck Norris died 5 years ago. Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him. Chuck Norris counted to infinity—twice. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded. The dinosaurs once crossed Chuck Norris. Once. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal straight flush. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories. If, by some paradox in the space/time continuum, Chuck Norris were ever to fight himself, he'd win. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives. Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it. When asked how many push-ups he could do Chuck Norris answered, “All of them.” Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug in his room. It's not dead, it's just afraid to move.
A soldier was stationed abroad and received a ‘Dear John’ letter from his girlfriend back home. It read: “Dear Harry, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice since you’ve been gone and it’s not fair to either of us. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim." The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Harry included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected. There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read: “Dear Kim, I’m so sorry, but I can’t remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile and send the rest back to me. Take care, Harry.”
