This made me laugh

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Havit, Sep 23, 2015.

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  1. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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  2. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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  3. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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  4. Fourbears

    Fourbears Noble Member

    Dec 8, 2017
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    I have just seen an advert for a mortuary assistant. I was about to apply for it but then realised it was just dead peoples shoes.
     
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  5. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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    While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.
    A week after arriving back home in Sydney, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with
    bright green and purple spots.
    Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before,
    orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
    The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted
    Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."
    The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
    The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis"
    The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!"
    The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option."
    The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
    The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease."
    The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do?
    My doctor wants to cut off my penis!"
    The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid Australian docttah, always want opawate.
    Make more money dat way. No need amputate!"
    "Oh, thank God!" the man exclaims.
    "Yes, says the Chinese doctor, "Wait two week. Fawl off by itself.
     
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  6. Vulpes

    Vulpes Confused Member

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  7. Vulpes

    Vulpes Confused Member

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  8. Vulpes

    Vulpes Confused Member

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  9. Dave49

    Dave49 Elite Member

    Dec 30, 2019
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    .

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  10. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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    Slips of the Tongue...
    12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on TV and Radio...
    1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator –
    "This is really a lovely horse i once rode her mother"...
    2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator –
    "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him"...
    3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator –
    "An this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing"...
    4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 –
    "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew"...
    5. US PGA Commentator –
    "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ........
    Oh my god !! What have I just said"...?
    6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said:
    "You'd eat beaver if you could get it"...
    7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
    "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night"...?
    Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard...
    8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
    "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday"...
    9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
    "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this"...
    10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports,
    "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets"...
    11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
    "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts"...
    12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
    "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself"...
     
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  11. Samsgrandad

    Samsgrandad Senior Member

    Dec 15, 2019
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    Another classic from Brian Johnstone on Test Match Special many years ago
    "The Bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" during an England v West Indies test match, resulting in much hilarity from the rest of the commentary team!!
     
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  12. Samsgrandad

    Samsgrandad Senior Member

    Dec 15, 2019
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    Another classic from Brian Johnstone on Test Match Special many years ago
    "The Bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" during an England v West Indies test match, resulting in much hilarity from the rest of the commentary team!!
     
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  13. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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  14. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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  15. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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    Fancy A Swim ?

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  16. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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  17. David Cooper

    David Cooper Triumph Rocketeer.
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  18. Dawsy

    Dawsy Cumbrian half-wit
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    Aug 24, 2018
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  19. Fork Lock

    Fork Lock Elite Member

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  20. Russell Stroup

    Russell Stroup Noble Member

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