This made me laugh

You missed out the n.

 

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Our house is also velociraptor free until Grandson comes round then we ALL have to be dinosaurs

 

Lol sorry if that type of sh*t happens to you is very bad karma !

 

If I bring you breakfast in bed.
I don’t need the “who are you?”, “how did you get into my house?” And “I’m calling the police”
A simple thank you is enough .

 

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,

 

Count me in for that...

 

Might do two..

 

Even then I’d struggle!!!

 

Already there.

 

Is that a spelling mistake ?

 

Q. What's the similarity between an angry cow and one of the most easily detected leptonic decay channels of the Z boson?

A. They've both got a moo-on



...I'll get my coat

 

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Traffic Stop
I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...
and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:



Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"

Me: "A car."

Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Officer:"So, you're drunk."

Me:"But I didn't drink anything."

Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?

Me:"A motorcycle."

Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Officer:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.

Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"

Officer:"A prostitute of course."

Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"

Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...

 

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What disease? God loves the bike tinkerer. That's how we got aeroplanes.