A man was in a long queue at his local supermarket. As he got to the register he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register: She asked. "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his trousers, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom. "One box of large condoms, Till 5." The next man in line thought this was interesting and like most of us was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the cashier that he too had forgotten to get condoms and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his trousers, gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom microphone and said. "One box of medium sized condoms, Till 5." A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a woman, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the checkout he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his trousers, she reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the Intercom and said….... "Mop and bucket, till 5."
A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West: The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" He asked. The old man looked him up and down and said. "Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’" "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man. "Sure will." Replied the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That’s terrific." Said the hot shot.. "Got any more tips for me?" "Yep." Said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man. "You bet it will." Said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. "Wow!" Exclaimed the cowboy. "I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?" The old man pointed to a large can in a corner. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No." Said the old-timer. "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man. "No." Said the old-timer. "But when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he’s gonna shove that gun up your ass and it won’t hurt near as much!"
