This made me laugh

Eat more shite, 16 trillion flies can't be all wrong says the health experts

 

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12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio:

1 Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE

have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: “There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12.. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

 

A small boy named Dave lived in the local village.

None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "Dave… you are driving me crazy!!!!!"

One day Dave’s mother came into school to check on how he was doing.

The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a stupid boy in her entire teaching career!!!!

The mother was shocked at this feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an acute cardio disease!

All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open-heart operation, of which only one surgeon could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher finally decided to have the operation, which was successful.

When she eventually opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a tall handsome Doctor smiling down at her!

She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.

Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!

The Doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong.

When he turned round he saw Dave, working as a cleaner in the Hospital Ward, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Vacuum!!!!!

Don't tell me you thought that Dave became a doctor!

 

Anchorwoman can mess up too

 

Just heard that on the radio, hadn't heard it for years, what are the chances!

 

Probably because he just died...

 

Who once said ' The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willy' ?

 

Yeah, that would do it!

 

That was Brian Johnson, or Jonners to the Test Match Special team