This made me laugh

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My grandfather was a bus driver.

I want to go like he did, peacefully, in his sleep.

Not screaming in in terror like his passengers.

 

Then please don’t retrain as a Doctor…

 

A guy sees the strangest funeral procession ever going by. There are two hearses, a man dressed in black walking a dog directly behind the hearses and a long line of men walking single file behind the man with the dog. Curiosity gets the best of the him, so he walks up to to the man with the dog and says "I'm sorry to intrude on your grief, but I have to ask. What's going on here?"
The man says "Well, my dog here attacked my mother-in-law, killing her. When my wife tried to intervene, the dog killed her too." The guy asks "Can I borrow the dog?" The man says "Get in line."

 

I particularly love the first one with the dog and ducks, @Dawsy.

 

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You can imagine the editor “Ok, no jokes about being full of seamen…”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-59196462

 

In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy

 

That would be udderly reasonable to presume they would try to milk an obvious source of jokes. In reality journalists would make right tits of themselves if they churned up such tedious humour. I think it’s butter they didn’t, still you can’t blame them for wanting to farm every dairy related joke - no matter how cheesy…

 

Just pray you never see her belly button…