Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a heavy pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet crushing both his legs. He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me” everyone fucking cheered.
ON A SEASONAL NOTE :- Mary, being a typical house proud type, gives Joseph his orders "Joseph, Get this place squared up a bit. Grab that rake and shift all that shite down the far end. Get some of those straw bales round the crib and put some blankets over them for the guests to sit on". "Chop chop, guests will be arriving soon" Poor old Joseph gets busy with the rake and humping bales about. He finishes just in time when three kings enter. "Ay up Mary" says one of the kings. "lets have a look at this babby then" As he nears the crib he stands on the rake. The rake flips up and smacks him right in the eye. "Jesus Christ!" he roars, "Hey, Joe" says Mary, "thats a better name than Gary"
My pipes by "foran" are probably louder ! Especially since I've ported the head and big bore kit 904cc. The air box screams from 6,000 rpm up (gutted out).
On Gold this morning, 2000 'people' voted this the best cracker joke of 2016. Why will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? Because there will be no BRUSSELS!! Boom Boom!! Cue tumble weed....................... Hableedin'ha!!
came in work this morning to this joke, My brother got a new microphone last year, I told him i wanted "ONE TWO" Somethings telling me todays going to be a bad day
• A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange: • Officer: May I see your driver's license? • Biker: I don't have one. I had a ban. • Officer: does this vehicle belong to you. • Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it. • Officer: The motorcycle is stolen? • Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's details in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag? • Biker: Yes officer. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the owner who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags. • Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!? • Biker: Yes, officer. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his Sargent. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the sargent approached the biker to handle the tense situation: • Sargent: Right Sunshine, can I see your license? • Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. •Sargent : Who's motorcycle is this? • Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. • Sargent: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it? • Biker: Yes, sure, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag. • Sargent: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them. • Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs. • Sargent: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags. • Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
• A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. • She proclaims, "I want to join your club." • The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. • The biker asks: "Do you have a motorcycle?" • The little old lady replies: "Yep... my bike's parked over there", and points to a Triumph in the driveway. • The biker asks: "Do you drink?" • The little old lady replies: "Yep... drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table." • The biker asks: "Do you smoke?" • The lady replies: "Yep... smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes a day. I'm shooting pool." • Very impressed the biker asks: "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" • The old lady thinks for a minute and says: Nope, ... but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
