This made me laugh

Windscreen from temu or wish

 

Since my two brothers and I all use the same cologne, we decided to buy it in bulk to save money.

It's just common scents.

 

I spent all yesterday trying to repair the washing machine but ended up throwing the towel in.

 

Too damn true!

 

I made a paper airplane, but when I threw it, it didn't fly. It just stayed in one place and hovered. Then I realized why.

It's stationary.

 

In a nursing home an elderly woman with dementia bursts into a man's room wearing only a cape, and yelling, "Super pussy!"
The man replies, "I'll have the soup."

 

That's funny! It kinda' happened a few years ago when our family and my wife's brother's family were out in Pennsylvania Dutch country. We went to restaurant and when my 15 y/o nephew was ordering his meal it came with a choice of soup or salad.

Waitress: Soup or salad?
Nephew: Yes, please.
Waitress: Soup or salad?
Nephew: Yes, please.

This went on for three rounds when my sister-in-law finally says: MICHAEL, you idiot! It's not super salad, it's SOUP OR SALAD!

Nephew: Oh.

 

My wife and I had breakfast at a local restaurant this morning. I had eggs Benedict. There were two and a load of home fries. I could only finish one. When we were ready to go the waiter came to the table.

Waiter: "Box for your leftovers?"

Me: "No, can we flip a coin instead?"