A university professor was lecturing about "Involuntary Muscle Contractions" when he noticed no one paying attention. Angrily, he asked a girl on the front row, "Young lady, do you have any idea what your arsehole is doing while you are having an orgasm"? "Why yes", she answered. " He is usually out in the garage polishing his Harley".
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in the garage. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work? The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, whispering to the mechanic....."Try doing it with the engine running!"
Dear Deidre, I'm really worried, I've been afraid my wife has been fooling around on me. So, I hid behind the house the other night and when I saw her getting out of some one else's car buttoning her shirt, I squatted down behind my bike as she pulled her panties out of her purse and put them on. As I hid behind my bike I noticed the swing arm was cracked - do you think I can weld it or do I need to replace it??
