As Promised To Charley.

Swanee here we come!

 

Ade it's Ron, he is - a) A Yank and b) A Lunatic, there is never a point

 

Semen Stains?


I'll get my coat...

 

No but I had the camera thingy, trouble being that it was that many years ago so I think it was a box brownie

 

What to mop up with?

 

Not one of you has identified the hound yet... he’s famous in these parts

 

Well not in our parts obviously!
Go on then put us out of our misery...

 

Is it the bastard son of Dougal and Ermintrude off the Magic Roundabout?

 

Dill the dog, apparently?

 

Let hope the script never had do after Dill!

 

Hahaha...

In the words of the best proctologist’s “A finger of fudge is just enough to give the kids a treat!”

 

At least we got off muffin the mule... it was leaving a sour taste in my mouth!

 

Funny story DD, it is amazing how gullible some can be.
When we went away to Spain on the bikes this year my room mate (and best pal for years) John had an allergic reaction to seafood that he ate on our first night there. He woke me up at 6am the following morning barely able to speak as his tongue had swollen so badly, so after the initial laughter and piss taking I realised it was potentially serious & called a cab to the local hospital.
Long story short, they sorted him out and after some 3 or 4 hours we arrived back at the hotel ready for the ride to Jaca for the next overnight stop.
Anyway you always get a gossip in a group, so I told ours 'in the strictest confidence' that part of the treatment for John had been administered anally as it was quicker than by mouth. Needless to say it went round the group like wildfire but nobody took the piss out of John (he is a big aggressive fecker!), in fact it wasn't mentioned at all until we got home.
We all met up the pub a few weeks later and one of the wives mentioned to John's missus about having the medicine administered up the bum being a little unorthodox, Que much laughter and piss taking of John following by him chasing me round the pub offering extreme violence!

 

C'mon then Ron, I know you're champing at the bit to get involved, give us a story or you'll have to suffer another one from me or DD, we've got loads!

 

All of the above, just to keep DD happy start with Greenpeace ... I got a beef with them for keep rolling me back in the water when sunbathing on a beech in Tenerife earlier this year ... that and basting me with water and feeding me fish!

 

Ok, in the meantime then..

Many years back I was fed up with being away all the time as a long distance lorry driver so I took a job in security in order to be home more.

I worked for a small security company on a contract at the HQ of a well-known quality TV and audio manufacturers UK head office.

Anyway I settled in quickly to the job and very quickly was made site supervisor, sounds grand but I only had 2 guards on per shift. Now the reason I got promoted fairly quick was that the lads on the site weren’t at the front of the queue when brains were handed out!

One of them in particular kept falling asleep when I was on nights with him, I warned him that there would be consequences if I caught him sleeping while I was patrolling.

Anyway needless to say he still did it, so when he thought I was in another part of the complex I sneaked into the control room to find him slumped in the big comfy swivel chair fast asleep. I very carefully tied his shoe laces together then loosely applied some zip ties oh so carefully around the arm rests and over his wrists. Then I went out side where I knew the CO2 fire extinguishers were, pulled the pin and took back into the control room and proceeded to blast the fecker in the gentlemans relish area with the CO2. Anyone who has ever used one of these knows, that they are very loud and very cold and the look on Rip Van Winkle’s face as he was rudely awaken from his slumber was fecking priceless!

Strangely he never slept on my shift again.

 

Well I did say don't Google it to Ron as I know he has no self control, but I though you would know better Joe!