The teacher asked her class to write down on a piece of paper the kind of pet they have at home. The children, very excitedly, scribbled their answers. One by one, the teacher asked each child to stand and describe the particular animal. Most pets are dogs, cats and hamsters, except for Achmed who'd written they keep a goat in the house. Astonished, the teacher askes "Isn't it awfully smelly in your house then? To which Achmed replies "yes miss, but the goat will have to get used to that".
I stormed into the library today demanding to know why the book on scouse culture I'd ordered still wasn't in, "it's not our fault" said the librarian, "That's the one" I replied.
On her recent visit to Northern Ireland, Dianne Abbott was asked what she thought of County Down. She replied "I preferred it better when Carol Vorderman was on it".
I’m reading a book on the history of glue, I can’t put it down. (Thanks “Jeremy Vine” on Steve Wright)
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens)n. Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment,self-expression and male bonding.
I was in Turkey on holiday and came across one of those Turkish bath houses. They shaved with a solid steel stone ground razor from below the neck line, inside the ears, snipped out nose hairs, waxed off chest hairs and plucked all the hairs out of the arse crack, all finished off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub. Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.
