This made me laugh

Wayne.... I wish I lived next door to you....you’re warped but I love you and if I lived close enough I would come round and we’d put the world to rights
With a bottle of Jack Daniels

 

Make sure you get the Correct Insurance for the sex you may be getting.

Please find a list of companies below catering for most tastes:


Sex with your wife - Legal & General.

Sex on the telephone - Direct Line.

Sex with your Partner - Standard Life.

Sex with someone Different - Go Compare.

Sex with a Fat bird - More Than.

Sex On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels.

Sex with a posh bird - Privileged.

Sex with an OAP - Saga !

Sex with a transvestite - confused.com

 

Brilliant mate

 

Ermmmm......I’ll hang fire on that one

 

https://www.wimp.com/jack-blacks-impression-of-the-rock-is-perfect/

 

Even back in '76 I had influence.
0:38.
I taught them guys how to dance.

 

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"
He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said, "That's gonna be a bit awkward innit?"
"Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."

 

Adolph Hitler arrives at Passport Control in Warsaw airport.in 1939.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," he replies.
"Occupation?
"No, just here for a few days, but there’s idea."

 

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral, a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,
"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."

 

After both suffering from depression for a while, the missus and I were going to commit suicide together yesterday.
Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.
So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.

 

I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked.
I didn't know what to do.
Then I remembered the local cafe serves breakfast until 11:30AM.

 

"Jesus Loves You."
Nice to hear in church ..........



but not in a Mexican prison.

 

Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

 

Bacon butty and bored