At the regular Sunday morning service, Rev Roberto announced that he was planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular. Colin, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims, *"If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda CRV, to transport their children!"* The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. Daniel, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, *"If Rev Roberto will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee a free university education for his children!"* More sighs and loud applause.... Mary age 68, stands and announces with a smile, *"If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide sex!"* There is total silence.... Rev Roberto blushing and asks her: *"Mary, you're a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?"* Mary's 70-year old husband Mike, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied, *"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help"* and he said *"Fuck him!"*
I was stopped in the street today by someone conducting a survey. He asked me what I knew about dwarfs. I said, “Very little.”
Group of ladies playing golf and as one tees off she slices her shot which flies straight at a man on a neighbouring fairway. He falls to the ground bent double and clutching his hands together. The lady goes straight over to him and offers to help saying she is a massage therapist but the guy declines saying he’s ok. The lady insists at which the man agrees so she gently slips her hand she inside the mans trousers and begins to massage asking “is that better” to which the man replies, “yes it’s great, but I still think my thumb is broken”
Murphy's Other Laws 01. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. 02. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 03. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 04. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. 05. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 06. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 07. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. 08. You can't have everything. Where would you put it? 09. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. 11. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. 12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture. 13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 14. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. 15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty
